Life

I've found that even when you think life is going pretty well for you, everything messes up. What you believe to be the truth is suddenly wrong and you're left not knowing where you stand.
In my case, this has happened but also, yesterday I was having a great day because we only had to go into school for a 5 minute target interview. I therefore did my work experience at the vet in the morning so that I could watch some operations. I told my form tutor what I thought was the truth, turns out that what I told him was a load of crap...
I was also feeling really great for the whole of yesterday and then I started to feel a bit iffy and ended up going to bed at 8pm and then slept until 9 this morning which kinda did me good. Then my family decided it was Christmas decoration day and there was going to be no fighting and therefore everyone started screaming and shouting and fighting over everything...
My teachers have all decided it's a really good idea to give me a tonne and half of homework a couple of weeks before exams and I feel like I'm about to fall apart.
I should probably get back to homeworking now or it'll never get done.
I hope everyone else is having a better time of it than I am right now because this is pretty rubbish...

Busy, Busy Life

For anybody who has actually read this blog, you'll know that I started 6th Form a while ago. I like being back at school and furthering my education but I think the teachers could maybe go a bit easier on us.
I only have to take 4 subjects now, but with the amount of work we're doing you'd think we were all taking about 15 subjects each.
As well as this, I'm doing work experience at my local vets which I absolutely love and would never give up, but it takes up a whole afternoon which I probably need to get all of my work done.
Then, just to make things even better, the school have to go and give us a million and one activity days which completely disrupt our schedule so that we end up missing a whole days worth of lessons.
"Why is she complain about missing lessons?" you're probably thinking. You'd think it would be something to celebrate but it's really not. We now have week 9 exams coming up after the half term and they have just taken a load of our lessons and chucked them out the window, and for what? So the rest of the school can have a pastoral activity day and only come in for ten minutes? It's not even worth it!
Just to put the icing on the cake, I've also just had braces put on... My sisters got theirs a couple of weeks ago and it was non-stop complaining and a lot of pain killers. It's now been nearly 3 hours for me and I still don't need a pain killer. However, that pretty much took up my whole afternoon so I still didn't get any homework done and even if I did get some done, I have no idea when it's for.
The plus side to this past week is I seem to have made a new friend or two. It's always nice to have someone to talk to, even if you're a loner like me. However, I advise you not to live the way I do because people don't want to know you unless they're stuck on a piece of work that you know the answer to...
I hope you guys have had a good week and I'll try to sort out a day to do this blog weekly, rather than just every now and then!

It Gets Better

Well, I've still got a whole lot of work to do and hardly ever have any free time but life seems to be picking up a bit for me right now. (touch wood!)
I'm actually finding doing school work a lot more calming than being with people, it's nice just to sit at home in the silence and have the satisfaction of knowing everything is done and you can have a moment to just sit and enjoy the world before you have to come back to the work again.
Today, even the girl I talked about in my last post seemed nicer than normal (that'll probably wear off tomorrow) and I had a really nice time at school which never, ever happens!
I hope that everyone else is doing really well in their lives as well, if you want to you can comment on this post and tell me anything, I'm all ears!
Sorry this post was so short but that was my moment of just sitting and enjoying the world and I'm just glad I got to enjoy it with you beautiful souls. I'll post again soon!
(If you have any suggestions for posts, please tell me! I'm willing to write about anything you want to see, not just things about my life!)

If You Can't Handle The Truth...

I've been back at school for nearly three weeks now and none of that time has been good, it's not made me happy. Not even being around the people that I may call friends has made me happy.
To make matters worse my friends- which are really just a group of people I hate a little less than everybody else- have welcomed a new girl into our midst. This new girl, they all think she's perfect, she couldn't do wrong in their eyes and she is obviously the nicest person in the world.
This girl I hate more than the rest. She is not a nice person, she thinks the world should revolve around her and since she has joined us nobody needs me anymore. None of my 'friends' even want to know me now that this girl has arrived.
I've tried to speak with my parents about it but they just laugh it off and say no more. It's like even they don't care and that hurts.
I have had to resort to this blog to make my feelings heard, even if nobody else reads this.
Sometimes I wish I could just sink into the welcoming abyss that depression offers me but then I think about what it is that I want from my life. Think about the fact that, half of these people I'm never going to have to see again!
These are the thoughts that make me happy. This and the fact that if I am able to do what it is that I want to further on in my life, I'll be helping millions of little animals who seem to like me a lot better than humans...

End of Summer

Well, this summer has been terrible.
To get into 6th Form my year has to do a set of assignments for each of the subjects that we want to take, without knowing what we had achieved in our exams, so ultimately not knowing whether we were actually going to get a place on the course we want.
This summer, all I wanted to do was read my books but I haven't been able to do that due to these assignments. I'm not sure if other people are as annoyed as me but I've had to put in a lot of unwanted hours on these things.
Fortunately, when I did receive my exam results I had the grades I needed to get onto the courses, so I wasn't too badly off.

But now the summer is nearly at its end. I haven't read half of the books on my list and I've only got a couple of days to read some more and I still have to learn a load of formula and put together a literature treasure chest for my English class.
I am, however, in the middle of reading Dracula (which has finally started to get exciting) and I've nearly finished watching a TV series that I've been craving for years.

Also, I had a birthday in the middle of the summer (Happy Birthday to Me!) and got a load of stuff and bought myself a whole shelf full of new books (which probably wasn't my best plan yet) and we had a great time.

I hope to blog again sometime soon, but knowing my luck, that probably won't happen...

The Stress of Living

Well, I know it's been a while but I finally finished my exams and I am already firmly settled into my summer and about to move onto 6th Form.
But as lovely as that is I have had to put up with everything between where I was and where I am now without showing people how much they have annoyed me or how much I am not enjoying myself.
Take the Year 11 prom for example. Everybody goes around saying how lovely everyone else looks with a fake smile plastered to their faces and the biggest, most princess-y dress they can find, thinking "You will never look as good as me" and all of the girls are trying to out do each other whilst the boys are just hoping to get lucky.
I, however, just went for a very simple black dress that wasn't anything special and didn't cost my parents an arm and a leg. I didn't particularly enjoy the prom, it wasn't very well organized and the place we were at wasn't particularly big, but it was big enough for the drunk girls to fall off the stage onto the floor and still look like complete prats even if they were popular.
Just to top the summer off, the school decided it would be a good idea to give the new 6th formers assignments to do in their holidays. I now have four assignments to do because of this with a load of essays to write and a 3D model to make.
All I wanted to do this summer was finally take the time to relax and read my books but apparently that will never happen. I can always hope it will but my 6th sense is telling me it's a definite no-no.
Well, I'm sorry I went off on one but sometimes you just have to let somebody know how your feeling, even if it's just the internet and nobody is even reading. I hope everybody else enjoys their summer even if I can't.

People

It turns out I am a people hating, friend loving person.
One of my few friends pointed this out to me the other day. I don't mind that this is the way that people see me because, really, this is what I am.
The problem is, when one of my friends becomes too attention seeking I just can't handle it. I put up with it but it annoys me so much that sometimes I can be reduced to tears by it.
I have a friend who's name I am not going to mention. She claims to be a good singer and then goes and sings in front of the whole year after claiming that she was too scared and couldn't. She also seems to think that they all love her but I know that that isn't true, sometimes the things they say behind her back hurt even me. But there is nothing that I can do because she won't accept the help.
The attention seeking started years ago when she started self harming at about the age of 12. She kept showing off about it, like it was something to be proud of. She's now stopped that, I think, and is writing extremely depressing poems instead which I think annoys me more than the cutting because she expects me to say "I love them" and "My God, they're amazing" but I don't do lying.
So I feel that, in the rest of this year, she is the baggage I need to get rid of because she just uses me to make herself feel better and gives nothing in return.

I am, however, extremely thankful for the rest of my friends and I am just going to carry on ignoring the attention seekers of the world and move on in my life because I know that I'm going to turn out better than the rest of them.

Back to School

I went back to school yesterday, as did many, which is why I didn't write anything here.
After two weeks off of non-stop school work I went back and just couldn't get back in the swing of things. I got home from school and it was even worse, it probably doesn't help that I'm an on and off insomniac and the night before I didn't really sleep properly.
I'm sure it was feeling kind of like this for everybody out there and I just can't wait for the weekend, even though I'm not even going to be doing anything.
Well, I hope everybody out there enjoyed being back at school with all your friends. Rest well and keep on living.

PotterMore

Well PotterMore is up and it is brilliant. I was sorted into Gryffindor which all of my friends said would happen and made it through the first book in just under two hours.
It's a lot of fun and considering how much I loved the books this has not let me down at all.
Hopefully the next book will be up soon, fingers crossed!

Secrets

I love the commitment show between some couples, colleges and friends. I met a man today who is a friend of a friend and he had a walking stick with him. Everybody else seemed to know why but I was the only one who had absolutely no idea.
It was funny, as soon as we walked away from the guy I was told about his accident and how his colleges had helped him to get the money he deserved even though it was all his own fault.
I hope to one day find people like this and have the same kind of relation ship because it has been such a long time since this man and my friend had seen each other, a chance meeting, if you will.
So the moral of all of my rambling is, some secrets are good. They are good to keep for friends and family. But some secrets, however will get you into a lot of trouble, like this one if the truth ever properly came out. Which I know it never will.

Dreams

One day I hope to travel around the whole of America. I will probably end up doing so by myself but first I'm going to need a whole lot on money. It is something that I am going to do though, no matter what anybody says because it is what I want to do and nobody will stop me.

A Day In The Life

As always, for someone like me nothing has happened. I believe in being who you need to be but many of the people I know would probably disagree with my outlook on life.
Go and do what you see fit, don't do things because they are expected of you. Do them because that is what you want and that is what will keep you moving forwards.
Just remember that all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.